It's one thing to be disappointed in the quality of the coaching services you are receiving. It happens and you stop attending sessions and move on. Perhaps the coach was a bad fit or simply incompetent.

But what if you are so embarrassed by your shortcomings or emotional state, you give up coaching, just to avoid the possibility your coach will make you feel worse than you already do?

Reflecting this scenario, I am reminded of a painful memory from my first year or two out of college. I was floundering, unemployed after quitting a job I hated and subsequently getting laid off. I was living on my own, trying to cover my bills and maintain my shaky dignity.

Following the rules of job hunting (to the extent I knew them at all) I made a visit to the alumni office at St. Mary's College in Moraga CA where I received my undergraduate degree. I had read there were services for graduates looking for a job. I met with the gentleman responsible for providing consultation to job seeking alumni. He was all advice (clearly no coaching training) and strongly encouraged me to pursue a job with PG&E.

You have likely heard a lot about PG&E in the news these days as they have recently been found responsible for a number of devastating wildfires in California. But, when I was twenty-four years old looking for a job in San Francisco, PG&E was the gold standard of employment. They had a reputation for treating their employees well and provided a stable platform for career advancement.

I was informed I would have to pass a standardized test to be considered for employment. I silently felt the anxiety pulse through my body, knowing my performance on tests suck. I did not share my misgivings with the alumni advisor. I faked my enthusiasm and took the test.

You know what happened next. I flunked the exam and ghosted the alumni advisor. He reached out to find out how things had gone but I did not respond. I was embarrassed. Any idiot could probably pass that test, but not me.

This memory has stuck with me and becomes a helpful reminder when one of my clients ghosts me. Granted, it does not happen often, but it does happen. In some cases, the client comes around and admits they made an impulsive move, fueled by fear. They abandoned the career coaching process to get back into a relatively safe box, only to feel trapped again.

I share this today because it underlines the faith and courage required to be either a coach or a client. The possible pit-falls in the coaching relationship can be mitigated though by keeping three things in mind:

·        The co-creation of a clear agreement about the coaching relationship and goals minimizes disappointment and confusion.

·        An ongoing conversation about the value being giving and received keeps the ghosting door mostly closed.

·        Time taken to make a sure the coach and the client are a good fit offers a solid foundation of aligned services and mutual satisfaction.

Here is my finial request. As a client, enter the coaching relationship with the highest level of honesty. If you feel uncomfortable or unsatisfied speak up.

If you are the coach, hold your client accountable and accept them where they are, with an open heart. Support them fully as humans doing their best.