Last week I observed a coach in training use the phrase, “I’m curious” over and over again. The focus was on him, not the client. He was driving the client to enrich his mind and to be entertained. This is not coaching—this is a conversation without a purpose.

You may already know that a coach does not give advice or tell their own stories. The coach is not in the relationship to learn or grow. They are there to help the client articulate a powerful goal and use their curiosity to see avenues to reach that goal.

This is a bitter pill for coaches in training to swallow. Coach curiosity can originate from good intentions. You might want to demonstrate your interest in the client’s situation. But, in reality, you are driving the client towards your interests, not theirs. Your ego is in the driver's seat limiting or eliminating the emergence of client insight.

This slippery slope is made worse when the coach does not take the time to refine the client’s agenda. It’s key for the client to make sure the goal is connected to their deeper values and beliefs—not a goal imposed by society or people in their lives.

If you take the time to unearth a well-explored, well-articulated goal then you can help the client use their curiosity to explore avenues to reach a goal that matters. You are digging into client wisdom under the surface of their current awareness.

The first step to resolve this misdirected focus is to eliminate the phrase “I’m curious”. Next, remember that coaching is never about you. It does not matter how you feel about the direction the client chooses. Your values, judgments, and life experience are irrelevant.

A solid next step towards enriching your client's curiosity is the use of silence. A well-timed pause lets the client hunt around in their mind. You are the thinking partner, staying out of the way and letting the client’s insights emerge.

Coaching is a generous interaction built on reflection, asking strategies, silence, and focused goal achievement. The learning you enjoy as a coach is witnessing your client’s brilliance.